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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {